Category: A Journey to a Better Me

Let me start by saying that this is not your average post. This is nothing like my other blog posts, but I promise you the message is REAL! I apologize in advance if this makes anyone feel some type of way because that is not the purpose of this post at all! This absolutely just my way of dealing with my own personal obstacles. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying and you have to make moves to ensure that you don’t stay in a place that you don’t want to be in.

My thighs are in love with each other! Yup, you read that right! My thighs are madly in love! They fight my jeans daily just to get to each other again. Lately, my jeans have been losing the battle against the lovebirds. I’ve always been used to maybe one or two pairs of jeans with wear and tear or holes in the inner thighs, but these days I’ve been doing the “Can you see the holes if I stand like this or bend like this” test in front of the mirror a little more than I would like! After a few wears and washes the holes seem to grow uncontrollably! I’m not talking about holes the size of quarters either! Some of my jeans have holes that I can literally fit my fist through! I was amazed! Like how the hell did that happen?!?!?! I was convinced that my favorite brand of jeans was obviously faulty, but that thought was shot down as soon as I noticed that it was three different brands of jeans that I was looking at! My thighs were the common denominator! Now if the holes were on the front of the jeans I would be set because that’s the style these days, but I don’t think it’s cute to have my inner thigh chub protruding out of my jeans. Even if that does become the latest trend at some point, I’ll pass.

Eventually, my jeans with holes pile exceeded my normal everyday jeans pile and that caught my attention! Not because I had obviously gained weight and my thighs were darn near causing a fire from rubbing together so much, but because I’m cheap and I was staring at all the money that I spent on jeans that I can no longer wear. (Don’t judge me!) I also started thinking about how much it was going to cost me to replace all of those jeans. It was then that I started thinking about what caused this to begin with because I didn’t want to waste any more money! Like I said, I’m cheap! I didn’t even have to think about it because it was very obvious that my issue was my weight. I stopped eating right, I stopped working out and I picked up all of the weight that I had lost plus a few extra pounds. Wasting my money was my own fault!

This didn’t happen overnight though and if I’m honest with myself I can say that I noticed the signs, but chose to ignore them. I blamed the type of denim I was wearing anytime I could hear the annoying sound as my thighs rubbed together when I walked down a quiet hall at work. I wasn’t wearing the infamous corduroys that are known for making that noise, but yet there it was LOUD and clear. I would always end up walking funny as I failed at my attempt to avoid the sound that’s ridiculously annoying like squeaky sneakers on a bathroom floor.

Let’s be clear, I don’t expect to ever have a thigh gap. In fact, I don’t remember ever having one.  However, I can definitely stand to lose some of the thickness in my thighs. Right now, it’s my jeans but by summer I’ll be in physical pain from even more chaffing than I’m used to or I’ll be investing in a lot of body glide! When ya’ll see me on the beach this summer with my cut-up denim shorts on with my bathing suit just know that it’s one of the many pairs of jeans that I had to cut because my thighs loved each other so much and I refused to throw them away!

I didn’t write this to body shame anyone or even myself for that matter. It’s simply my way of shining light on something that isn’t always talked about, but is very real! The thick thighs struggle is REAL!!!! I’m sure someone can relate to this in some way! Either you’ve been there, you are there or you know someone that has been there. It’s a part of life for a lot of us. Don’t be ashamed of who you are or how you look. You should always love yourself first and be happy in your own skin! However, if you see room for improvement do what you have to do for YOU! That’s what I plan to do!

As I sit here with tears rolling down my face, I feel the need to write. I write things daily, but today is very different. I opened my phone to do my usual social media scrolling while I eat my lunch, but today I didn’t get a chance to click on any of those accounts because I found myself staring at my grandmother. Her picture has been my wallpaper for almost two months now. It was in that moment that I felt like she was telling me “It’s time…” in her own little way. Time for what? Time to finish what I started. Time to push myself out of this space that I’ve been in. Time to follow through and keep my word. Time to use my emotions for good. Time to straighten up. Time to get back on my grind. Time to stop making excuses. Time to work. Time to make her proud!

Back in October I got two devastating blows back to back when I received news about two very important women in my life. I really didn’t know how to handle it so I eventually shut down. All of my creativity went out the window along with my drive to work on my blog or Youtube channel. I still had thoughts, ideas, and information to share, but my mind was all over the place. During this time I eventually stopped training, being active and eating right. It didn’t take long for all of my progress to go down the drain. I tried to push myself, but I just couldn’t do it. Then the feeling of failure came and kicked me while I was already down. That took a toll on me mentally and obviously didn’t help my situation at all.

Three months after receiving the devastating news the unthinkable happened. My grandmother passed away surrounded by her loved ones. I held her hand as she transitioned and I didn’t want to let go. I felt like letting go would be confirmation of what I really didn’t want to accept. I know holding her hand wouldn’t change the fact that she was gone, but it made sense to me in the moment. January 23, 2017 was without a doubt the hardest day of my life. Not only did I lose my grandmother, but we had to go home and deliver the news to our daughters.

The day before she passed she told us that she wanted to get out of the hospital and she wanted to go home. I remember rubbing her hand and telling her that we would get her out of there asap. The last thing she said to me was “Okay” as she shook her head slowly. She got out of there and she did go home, but not to her physical home. I wanted her to be able to walk in her house again. I wanted to be able to stop by and say “Hey Mom-Mom!” as she sat in the chair reading. I wanted to hear her laugh and say “Tee you better leave me alone!” when I made a joke about her. I really wanted those things, but I can’t be selfish. She’s in a much better place where pain and suffering is a thing of the past.

It’s been almost two months and it still doesn’t feel real. I have my moments, but I’ve been trying to stay strong because I know that’s what she would want. When I looked at her picture a little bit ago I heard “It’s time…” She used to always tell us “It’s time to get on the good foot!” and that’s the message I received from her today. It’s time to push forward, take care of myself, invest in myself, get back to what I love and make her proud!

I heard you loud and clear Mom-Mom! I’m on it! I promise!

Operation “GET ON THE GOOD FOOT” has begun!

~Mrs. Accountabilitee

I recently volunteered at the Run Inspired 10k Event at Winterthur to benefit Operation Warm. Prior to hearing about this race I hadn’t heard of Operation  Warm so I did some research. I found out that Operation Warm was founded back in 2002 and their mission is to provide brand new coats to children living in poverty. To date, Operation Warm has manufactured and distributed new coats to more than 2 million children in the U.S. This alone was enough to make me want to get involved. Initially I was going to register for the race, but I felt like I would be more valuable as a volunteer. I’m so glad that I made that decision because I don’t think that my experience would’ve been as inspiring if I just ran the course. So many things touched my heart that day! It started with hearing the story of the founders grandson Nikolas who ran his first marathon in 2012 to raise money for Operation Warm. Then just 2 years later he became the youngest person to complete a marathon on each of the seven continents! That’s a major accomplishment for someone so young. And he wasn’t just doing it for the kudos. His main concern was raising funds and he did just that. He raised over $42,000! When they told us his story at the race I was shocked! His story goes to show you that you can do whatever you put your mind to regardless of your age. They told us that Nikolas is known for saying “You don’t have to be big to make a difference.” That is absolutely true!!!!

I signed up to be a medal distributor at the finish line purposely. I could’ve handed out water, snacks, t-shirts, or things of that nature, but I didn’t feel like those other jobs would be good for me. I felt like I was there to encourage, inspire and be inspired. The medal distribution team was awesome! I met some really nice people and was even able to give one some words of encouragement. When our first runner made it to the finish line in just under 32 minutes we were amazed! As the rest of the almost 1,500 people began to cross the finish line I understood why this job was particularly special to me. I met, spoke with, congratulated, and encouraged so many people that I didn’t know. In the midst of them completing this beautiful monster of a course (from what I hear) people were actually thanking me for being there. They could’ve gotten their medal and moved on, but they took the time to talk to us and thank us for volunteering. I was completely taken aback when I saw just how many kids had actually entered the race. The youngest child that I gave a medal to was 10. I was so proud of him! There was another guy that was struggling on the hills of the course, but made it to the finish line. One of the course instructors recognized him and had us take our cheering to the next level to congratulate him on a job well done. There were so many emotional moments during the time that I volunteered. I was very proud to be apart of such an amazing event. I would absolutely do it again without thinking twice!

After volunteering I felt like I could do more so I will also be making a donation to Operation Warm to support their mission.

http://www.operationwarm.com

~Mrs. Accountabilitee

I have no idea what prompted the post below five years ago, but there are at least two or three things in it that I can apply to myself today. Usually when you hear people say “learn from your past” they’re referring to learning from past mistakes, experiences or things of that nature. Today I’m learning from my past, but it’s really a lesson as well as a reminder from my younger self. When this post came up on my Facebook timeline this morning I could’ve read it and kept scrolling, but I didn’t. I read it several times, embraced the lesson and thanked myself for being right on time. You never know when a lesson will present itself or how, but when it does be sure to embrace it, take heed, and make the necessary changes.

Earlier today I was literally seconds away from quitting when I really didn’t need to and God showed up and put me right in my place! So, today I was scheduled to go see my trainer at 7:30pm. I woke up this morning with stomach cramps and I just felt like it was gonna be one of those “blah” type of days. I was determined that I was going to reschedule my session as soon as I got to work, but I didn’t do it. As I was leaving I remembered that I hadn’t reached out to my trainer to let her know that I wanted to reschedule so I said that I would do it from the car. I was tired, my energy level was at zero and I still didn’t feel well. I started composing the message to my trainer and got distracted. By this point you would think that I would’ve gotten the hint that it wasn’t meant for me to cancel, but nope! I drove almost all the way home feeling bad about potentially cancelling so late in the day and trying to figure out where else I could fit it into my schedule before the end of the week. I stopped at Wawa on my way in and before I got out of the car I started typing the rest of the message to my trainer. I was two words and a period from hitting the send button when the text message below came through.

I started laughing hysterically! I was like “Ok, God! I hear you!!!!” As you can see I quickly responded and said “Yes ma’am!” I deleted the entire paragraph that I had typed to my trainer and replaced it with “Hey, my friend wants to come train with me again tonight!”

You see I started this journey to better myself, but I also did it in hopes that I would inspire someone along the way.  The moment my friend showed interest in training with me after watching my training video I setup the time and day to make it happen asap. Our first session together was definitely challenging, but we rocked that workout last week and she was ready for more! I have to remind myself that you must know the extent of the things that you ask for when you ask for them. Sometimes what we ask for seems so simple, but there’s so much work that needs to be put into it and we don’t even realize it at the time. I asked God to help me inspire others along the way and today he gave me a gentle reminder that sometimes that means pushing yourself and putting in work whether you feel like it or not! Life doesn’t stop because of some pain or feeling uncomfortable. It’s easy to get up and get moving when nothing is wrong, nothing hurts and you have lots of energy. The true challenge is how you handle that same scenario with a few obstacles in the way.

I almost gave up today and it was so unnecessary! After I confirmed our training time I went home and went straight into Mommy/Wife mode. I got everything done that I needed to get done and I raced out of the house to our training session. I’m really glad that we went because it was definitely an awesome workout!

Today’s lesson: “Be more powerful than your strongest excuse.”

I can make excuses when things get challenging or I can make improvements and push through the obstacles that I face. I choose the latter.

~Mrs. Accountabilitee